Sunday, March 8, 2015

Rainy Days on the Island

When I got my iPhone, they gave me a free fitbit. I had no idea what a fitbit was, since I'd only recently returned to civilization, but I've quickly figured it out and like it a lot. I bought myself a new pair of Tevas and I walk for miles in them every day. Judy and I have daily steps competitions. I always win, because I'm stupidly competitive. "I walked farther today than my grandma did." 

It's been rainy and cloudy most of the time we've been here. Under normal conditions, that would be sad, but since we've got a month here, we know the sun will come out eventually. So until we have beach days, I've been reading a lot, spending lots of time with my parents, and taking long walks alone on the beach catching up on 18 months of This American Life. I have a crush on Ira Glass.

We had one sunny day. We went to the beach. I went swimming for the first time in 18 months. It felt so good. I love swimming. I've always loved swimming. It's about freedom and independence. I love the ocean. I love having the ocean near. I think I am conquering my fear of sea turtles. (They sneak up on you while you swim and it's no small matter). 

Judy can never hear/understand anything I say. Lorin bought hearing aids a few months ago. When he emailed me about it, I was horrified, because hearing aids are for really old people. Turns out, the only thing worse than an aging parent with a hearing aid is one without it. I'm taking Judy to get her hearing checked when we go home, because I don't really want to spend the next 10 years repeating myself. I realize that it might be selfish to want her to get hearing aids for me, but as the only child living at home, I take that liberty.

I've been slowly catching up on news a little bit, including the Kate Kelly and John Dehlin excommunications. It makes me sad. It makes me grateful that I wasn't here to be in on that. Sometimes, it really is nice to just not know anything. Ignorance isn't always all that bad after all.

I've been working on managing my iPhone and internet and facebook. I think I let them take over my life a little bit too much when I came home. I installed an app on my phone that tracks how much I use my phone and kicks me off after an hour of use for the day. Wasting time has become something I hate about myself. The internet doesn't make me feel good. Facebook definitely doesn't. I'm learning to set limits for myself. 

I've been thinking a lot about living authentically. I definitely figured out how to live more authentically when I was across the ocean (I'm getting tired of the phrase "on my mission"). I want to keep ahold of that. Of not worrying so much about how I look to other people or on social media. Of not worrying about fitting the certain images. I'm a liberal, a feminist, a Mormon. I like hiking and running and horses. I like books and writing. But I'm trying not to let my images of what people who like those things should be control who I am, because I think I used to do that a lot. I'm trying to be my authentic self. It's harder than I thought. It takes a lot of deliberate choices. But, at the end of the day, I think it's good, because I feel a lot more peace in my heart, and I like that. 

I love this song. My best friend has always loved me for my poor taste in music and movies. I just love what's popular.


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