So I've reached this sort of weird impasse with my blog. The problem that the 3 or 4 biggest things in my life right now I'm not really ready/willing to blog about, for various reasons. Which is fine. But every time I sit down to blog, I end up writing something I don't want to post. So I've got about a billion drafts/journals/half-written word documents that I probably won't post for another month or two. So the blog's kinda gone to hell.
I'm trying to give myself a break though. I'm not feeling guilty about not blogging. I'm thinking about one of my favorite Sam Hamilton quotes from East of Eden. He says, "I'm having enjoyment. And I made a promise to myself that I would not consider enjoyment a sin." And the reverse is true too. Blogging has been, and still is, something that I love doing. But I'm not going to do it at the times that it doesn't bring me enjoyment. That's just stupid. This has always been a project more for me than anyone else, and I'm going to keep it that way
So that's where I'm at. I think it's just growing pains of having a life more complicated than can be cleanly delineated on a blog. So it goes. I'll find a way to make blogging work for me again. Or I won't. But I'm inclined to think I will.
In the meantime, I'm happy in Hawaii. I've got a decent tan, and I'm trying to soak up enough vitamin C to last me through that awful month of February. I leave a week from today, and I'm grateful I get that time here. This is my longest trip ever, but it's perfect. I've been reading a lot, too. So far: The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides, The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha by Roddy Doyle, Democracy by Joan Didion, and The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. Next I'm going to start a short story collection by Naomi Shihab Nye. I love reading.
I'm looking forward to a week in Utah to see everyone (namely a best friend named Kat - we're squeezing an entire winter into 3 days) and I'm also excited to get back to school. I miss my friends, and I'm super excited for classes to start.