Being back at school has been rather over-whelming. I'm taking an extra class, so I obviously have more work. But I'm also just in harder classes. Last semester, I had relatively easy classes, and comparatively I'm feeling like I'm under a mountain. I don't mean to sound whiny. One of my happiness project goals for this month is to not complain about my privileges, like getting to have such a good education, even when they're hard. So even though my classes are going to be challenging, the good news is that I'm so excited about them (except Bio). Every class is interesting and engaging and I literally cannot wait to learn all this stuff.
I'm also taking yoga, because it fulfills a PE credit, and it breaks up my Monday/Wednesday class block of 8 hours. Yoga > Napping for these purposes. So I walk into yoga the first day and the professor/Zen Master (yeah, I went there) starts talking about the principles of yoga. And I'm following him rolling my eyes only occasionally, until he starts talking about how yoga has no destination. The purpose of yoga is not to get anywhere, but to let the practice enrich your life. And internally, I started listing all the successes I was going to accomplish by being in the class. Which was probably not the way to react.
So later that night I'm working on my one-hour daily freewrite for my poetry workshop, and I start writing about that. And what comes out is, "I would describe myself as a "goal-oriented person", because I think that's the nicer way to say "achievement-oriented person". " And then I was like "dammit to hell", because being achievement-oriented is a recipe not to be happy. So I'm working on that. Yoga - with it's absence of destination - will help. So will the poetry workshop. I'm scared out of my mind to be there, but I've decided that I'm not there for the grade, or the praise, or the published poems. I'm in there to see how I can grow.
Tonight, between my Native American Lit class and my Hebrew Bible class, I've spent several hours reading creation myths. There was this awesome feminist criticism of Genesis that I'll probably write about some time. But all this creating myths have left me stuck on the concept of purpose. There's so much emphasis on how human were created, but not a lot of why. And though I realize there's a slew of answers to that question, I'm still wondering why. Maybe not even in the grander scheme. Maybe more on the minuscule scheme. What am I doing, right now. And why am I doing it.
Creation myths man, they get to you.