Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Pathways

I think that anyone who writes notices that there are often trends where for certain periods of time certain imagery, or themes, or words will appear over and over again in the things that you write. Usually, when this happens to me I just write it off as a genius idea I've had that I'm exploring. Like I've had one illuminating moment and I will write about it until I make the words echo the way I feel about this thing. I'm about 90% sure that I am not the only one who does this.

I can't remember who said it - whether it was a teacher or a friend or a famous author I heard speak - but someone once told me about paying attention to trends in my writing, because it usually reflects something going on in your subconscious. And though I'll admit it does sound a wee bit fringy, this has proven true to me several times over.

Lately, the trend in my poetry and scattered attempts at essays has been pathways. Not Robert Frost two-roads-diverged pathways, more trying-to-move-forward and trying-to-move-toward-something pathways. I realize the difference isn't that clear. But it's real! They are different!

Anyway, I hadn't really thought about what this pathway fetish meant, because I never do when things show up in my writing. I was just rolling with it. But tonight, I think I kinda figured it out.

I got oneofthose texts from my friend Chandler earlier tonight. It said: what are you trying to get out of college. Which was random. But my reaction was pretty instant: I'm trying to find my path. I've been thinking about that all night.

One of the best things about this time of life is that it's the only time I get to be really selfish. I get to live on my own but off my parents. My only real responsibility is school, which is a privilege anyway. I don't have a job or a boss or a husband or a family to be responsible to. I get to learn about things I'm passionate about and figure out what I want my path to look like.

I guess that's what I mean by this is not a Robert Frost path. I'm not making a single decision. I'm trying to figure out where I really want to be headed. I don't even care that it's a cliche. It's true. This is the time of my life where I get that luxury. And I've been enjoying it. Some days I don't really know what exactly I'm doing. But I've been following my heard instead of my head for a change. I've been following what feels right for me. And I like where it's taking me.



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Day 27: I am grateful for the outlets I have to express myself.
Day 28: This is stupid, but I'm grateful for my iPhone and the 8 billion ways it keeps me in touch will the people I don't get to see everyday anymore. 

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