Thursday, October 25, 2012

Wobbly

I started doing yoga twice a week with the yoga club when I first came to Swat. I'm not especially good at yoga, but it is an incredible study break and time to be at peace. That makes it invaluable. On Thursday mornings, the "student wellness coordinator" lead the yoga. Her first class - which was 3 weeks into the year for various reasons - is something I've been thinking about for a while, but haven't quite had the words for.
She led a fairly difficult practice. Too difficult for me, at least. And for a few other people there. Each time we would go into a pose in which we would struggle and our muscles would do that shaky thing - I know you know what I mean - she would say "if you're feeling wobbly just concentrate on your breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Lean into your breath until you don't feel wobbly." I was more wobbly than I really want to admit. It was a hard hour for me. Lots of concentrating on my breathing.
As we were ending the practice, we were sitting in lotus pose. She recited the traditional finishing statement (chant? prayer?) the she added "I hope you will be able to carry this deep yogic breath with you throughout the rest of the day, and when you feel wobbly, lean into your breath." And, honest to God, I  nearly started crying at that.
It wasn't that it was the incredible a statement, but that it was just what I needed to hear. Because I did feel wobbly. I was happy, but I was also still scared, and unsure of myself. (Not that that ever really goes away.) I was wobbly. Having breath to lean into made all the difference.
I'm much less wobbly now, but sometimes I still get wobbly. So I breathe. And things work out.

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