Friday, December 16, 2011

A Ludicrous Invention

Germaine Greere was the sixties feminist who said "bras are a ludicrous invention". Not everything she said was awesome (women should taste their own menstrual blood and give up monogamy, for example), but she nailed that one.
I would have been a bra burner.
I know it didn't happen all that often, and that the role of bra burning in feminism is greatly exaggerated, but I totally would have done it. Bras and I have a complicated relationship.
See, a pretty bra makes a bad day a little better. Days when I skip doing my hair or putting on makeup, it's fun to wear a pretty bra. Not in a "everyone look I'm wearing a pretty bra and I'm probably a whore" way, but in a "little secret, I've got something pretty and no one else can tell" way. Anthropologie has the prettiest bras of anywhere.
But at the same time, I hate bras. I hate that women feel obligated to wear bras. Things like this story about an employer requiring women to wear bras, make me really angry. The idea the women who don't wear bras are indecent, this obsession with modesty, I find infuriating. How is it that a giant push up bra that basically screams "look I have boobs" is okay, but not wearing a bra is considered foul? Why the hell was their an entire Oprah show about how 8 out of 10 women are wearing the wrong bra size? So women walk around wearing the "wonder bra" pretending they have perky perfect boobs. And occasionally we catch a celebrity going without and the media cries "strap them in". Props to the ones who do it anyway. I'm pretty sure Jennifer Aniston went braless in the majority of the Friends episodes.
The only thing I remember learning in AP Euro was how to take a bra off while leaving the shirt on. I did not learn this from my history teacher. I learned it from my best friend who, more often than not,  ended up taking her bra off halfway through the class. So I learned how to slip my hand out of one sweatshirt sleeve leaving it hanging like a third appendage, pull the strap over my arm, do the same on the other side, unclip, pull out from shirt and stuff into backpack. I'm not sure what it was about AP Euro that made bras so unbearable. I guess she just didn't like wearing a bra. Who does? Who really wakes up in the morning saying "I'm just so glad I can put a bra on now"? No one. Because bras are one of the least comfortable things to wear. Which is another reason I hate them. Maybe, as far as female undergarments go, a chastity belt would be the less comfortable. Maybe.
Yesterday, I was in class, because I do have to graduate in order to go to college. You know how some people have seasonal depression? I have seasonal A.D.D. I can't do school anymore.  Somehow, my frustration got directed to my bra. I was just so done with the damn thing. So I ever so subtly took it off when the teacher's back was turned and put it in my backpack. I think it was the best decision I made all day. 
Maybe I'll host my own bra burning over break.

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