Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Auto Correct

Kat and I are genius at texting.
For example, one day, I was having a bad day. We had the following conversation.

Kat: Yo, my mom might lose her hand
What I read: your mom might lose her hand
Me (after calling my parents freaking out, having come to the conclusion she was just screwing with me): What the hell? You give me that after the day I've had?
Kat: You're right, I'm so so sorry. That was so insensitive of me.
I don't reply. 5 minutes later I realize what I've read.
Me: I AM A HORRIBLE BEST FRIEND. I read it wrong. Sorry about your mom.

Somehow, she still speaks to me.

Better yet, my phone autocorrects "hurrying" as "birthing". This had lead conversations straight out of Damn you autocorrect. It doesn't help that when I'm hurrying I'm usually multi-tasking/texting at red lights so I don't read my text before I send it. It's happened several times, but Kat always goes along with it.

Me: Hey, sorry I'm late, I'm birthing. Should be there pretty quickly. I'm almost done.
Kat: When were you going to tell me you were pregnant?
Me: Are you talking about those damn baby dreams? I'm not actually pregnant.
Kat: If you're not pregnant, then how are you birthing?
Me: Damn spell check
Kat: Who's the father?
Me: God.
Kat: That only works the first time. You're about 2000 years too late.
I don't reply
Kat: I'll support you thorough all the consequences of your bad decisions.
I don't reply
Kat: You're getting out of control. First the party and now this. I'm going to stage an intervention.
I don't reply
Kat: If you really want me to, I'll tell everyone it's a virgin birth. I'm that good a best friend.
I don't reply
Kat: Can I be the God-mother. Get it? God-mother. Because it's "God's" child.
I don't reply.
Kat: Please name it after me.
I don't reply
Kat: Where the hell are you? How long does this take?
Me: I'm birthing as fast as I can!
Kat: Hahahahahaha you did it again.
Me: I WANT A NEW BEST FRIEND.
Kat: Good luck with that, whore.
Me: I'M NO WHORE I'M A SACRED VESSEL.
Kat: Like I said, only works once.

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