Right now I feel like I'm living half a life. There's the Hannah half and then the other half, which is spent in books.
Today, I was sitting on the plane reading God of Small Things. It gets really sad at the end and I was holding it together really well until this really heartbreaking line "but that will be never" (which is a lot more heartbreaking in context). At that point, I started to sob. The guy sitting next to me gave me that look. The one that a man gives a woman when she's crying and he thinks it's because she's irrational and weak and probably hormonal. It pissed me off! How dare he give me that look. In order to prove myself sane and the book sad, I made him listen while I read the whole sad chapter. (Don't worry, it was only two and a half pages). The dumbass didn't have his heartbroken! He gave me that look and said, "yeah, that's really sad" with as little sincerity as he could muster. That made me even angrier so I gave him that other look. The look that a woman gives a man when he has demonstrated that he has the emotional capacity of a cup of greek yogurt. I turned away, continued crying and finished my book. We didn't speak for the rest of the flight.
I hope he goes blind and never gets to read again. But if he ever tries, I hope he gets a billion paper cuts. And I hope no one ever loves him. Ever.
Why are the best books always to horribly tragic?
ps. I sent my English teacher and email about this dumbass, (normally I would call one of my best friends, but they haven't finished the book and I needed someone who would appreciate the tragedy of the line that made me sob). This is the response I got:
I'm going to choose to pity him instead of hate him. I pretend that's moral high ground. (Don't disabuse me of that belief.)
How sick is it that I am most gratified by students who cry over great literature? I mean, there are certainly other ways to express appreciation, but if it makes you cry, I know you "get it" in your brain and your heart and your pores and your toenails....
I dare you to tell me you know a cooler English teacher. Dare you.