Sunday, October 9, 2011

Cat Burglars

My best friend Alex's new house just got finished. It's been about six years, but this house is so worth the wait. It's about 200,000 square feet. Not really. But it's the biggest house I've ever seen. There are two elevators, and two pools. Her room has it's own kitchen. And the entire house is stunningly beautiful. Basically, it's our new hang-out.
So none of the family has moved in, but we wanted to start breaking in the new house. So we moved in. We loaded the box springs, mattress and bedding in the bed of Alex's truck and drove up to the new house. Actually, I drove while Alex froze her ass off making sure the mattress didn't go flying out. It was about 35 degrees outside. I drove under 15 mph the whole time, just to be safe.
So inside the new house, her dad had a group therapy thing going. I call it a cult. Not because it is, actually it's a pretty neat little organization, but  Alex gets super defensive when I cal it a cult and I take pleasure in torturing her. As part of the night's cult session, they were all cheering for each other, really really loudly. Also, we weren't supposed to be at the house.
So here is the situation in which I found myself:
Sneaking into an enormous house in the dark. We couldn't turn the lights on because we would disturb the cult. Three of us are carrying a mattress. From downstairs, we hear the mysterious cult cheering loudly. We have to tiptoe so they won't notice us. We wind around through the house, out the porch, all the while trying not to scratch the new walls made with Italian plaster even though our only light is a cellphone.
Needless to say, we pulled it off elegantly.

To break in the new house, we went skinny dipping in the pool after the cult had left.

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