Thursday, September 15, 2011

Self-Worth

It's been a funny few days.
In my class about poverty, we watched a documentary called "waging a living". The most resonant part of it for me was when this woman with five kids finally gets a break. She gets a good review at her new, higher paying job. She starts crying and says, "nobody's ever said that to me." Through the next few minutes of film, her confidence radiates. She is happy and finally sees worth in herself. It's inspiring, and also heartbreaking that it took her so long to figure it out.
Today, I had a meeting with our head of school (the Nance), and was told that I, along with 3 other students, would be representing our student body by participating in a panel with two professors at Columbia. It was really exciting in a "wow, you think I'm really smart", but it's also scary in a "wow, it would really suck if I make a fool of myself" way. Anyway, I'm going to try really hard not to swear for the next week, because it would be awful if I got up to talk and said a less-than-appropriate word.
The last thing that happened was that I got my senior portraits taken. I've never thought of myself as particularly beautiful. I don't say that in a self-deprecating way. I just mean that when I'm listing my strengths or talents, beauty is lower on that list. So when I get back these professional portraits, and they are beautiful, I'm not sure how to react. Part of me is incredibly happy, and another part of me is mad for being happy, because I don't want to derive my self-worth from the way I look.
So, it's been a funny week.

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