Sometimes I don't feel like I'm actually writing essays. It feels more like I'm hammering out something that could at best be called a rough draft. Like I'm trying to just get words on the paper in a plausible order.
Sometimes I'll be writing an essay and realize on the third page I'm not writing about the book. I'm writing about myself using characters' names.
Sometimes I feel like I get whiplash writing essays.
And yet, I do it anyway.