Sunday, March 13, 2011

Unsent Letter

Dear Females of Utah,

There are several points that need clarification before either of us can move on with our lives:

1. You are not above capitalization, proper punctuation or full sentences.
The pronoun "I", proper nouns, and the first letter of a sentence is capitalized. I promise I'm not making it up, it's common knowledge. If you don't believe me read a book, any book; even Dr. Seuss did it. Furthermore, you fail to understand the concept of a period. It's the little dot that signifies you have finished a sentence. It is not something you put after a single word, which leads me to your greatest problem. You seem to have missed the 14 years of school when we learned how to make sentences. Writing things like photography.indie.rainboots.curiosity.laughing. is just not acceptable. Okay?

2. The proper way to use the word "lover".
First of all, referring to your significant other simply as lover is stupid. Please, just put the little adjective "my" in front of it, please. Furthermore, I don't think you really understand the word lover. Let's look to the two example sentences Merriam-Webster gives us for lover:

  1. His wife accused him of having a secret lover.
  2. She left her husband and ran away with her lover

Lancelot was Guinevere's lover, and Paris was Helena's. Get the gist?

3. Sarah Palin is not a good role model.
I don't care that her "politics" are in line with what the church preaches, nor that she's "such a good mom", nor that she is a great example of "someone with a successful career who also managed to have a family". She's a terrible politician, and perpetually makes herself look like an idiot. You want a good example of a woman who accomplished shit? Eleanor Roosevelt

On the topic of politics

4. Either know what you're talking about of keep your mouth shut.
 I don't want to hear you say how liberal you are because you think it's cool to be liberal. We both know you're homophobic and believe a woman's ultimate purpose is to be a mother. Neither do I want to hear to regurgitate the conservative rants you've heard from your parents. I promise, it doesn't make you seem smart. I can tell you don't actually know what you're saying. Tell me what you think or change the subject.

So yes, I am judging you. I would apologize, but it would look something like this:

Rant and defend yourself all you want,

ps. Sincerely sorry if this doesn't apply to you, just laugh with me.

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