I know this girl who's father is a biologist and one of the most interesting people I've ever met. This is the girl who had a birthday party in Lower School that consisted of a group of us going over to her house to make mock-fossils. Super cool right? Anyway, she always told me that her name would have been Darwin had she been a boy, but alas she was a girl and got a good Christian name. I always thought it was so cool that her name could have been Darwin. I feel like a person named Darwin is automatically endowed with certain virtues. How could someone named Darwin not be original and strong and deep and stubborn? It seems impossible.
So when a man named Darwin came into my work the other day, I was incredibly excited. Meeting a real person named Darwin is like meeting a celebrity. He walked up and I said, as I always do, "hello sir, how are you today?" "Fine" "Good. Can I have your receipt? Thank you. You're total today is going to be $24.53. Do you need cash back for a tip?" "No." "Okay, well can I get your signature here? Thank you. And what kind of air freshener would you like?" "I don't want one" "okay, well thanks for coming in." At this point I was feeling disappointed that the man named Darwin was grumpy and fat and not everything I hoped a man named Darwin would be. Then he said to me "Can I talk to your manager?" "I'm sorry sir, our manager is already gone for the day. I can take a message if you'd like." "Yes. Please do that." So I grabbed our while you were out notes and had my pen ready to go. He said, "tell your manager I'm a patron here and thank you for not hiring short brown skinned people who don't speak English." I stopped even pretending to write down what he was saying. He continued, "you have really nice white people who work here and I appreciate that," I stared at him for a good 45 second. I muttered something like "okay I'll tell him" and walked away, throwing the blank sticky note in the trash on my way.
I'm think Darwin deserves to be shot.